Getting into the Foreign Service Mindset - Part 2 - Community

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This is part two of my mini series "getting into the foreign service mindset" today I want to talk about getting settled into the community. This was an adjustment for our family. Back home, we had a pseudo family in our little town. Our church was full of people who knew our family and were always there for support.  Our kids had tons of friends - there were always kids at our house. It's different here. There are some challenges to moving to a different area and basically starting over.  Some even bigger challenges when you know that you will be moving to a different area and basically starting over again...soon.
As I wrote earlier, our first move to Falls Church was a little buffer.  Everyone was State Department, everyone was thrown together and trying to make friends.  We settled with good friends automatically.  But the move to Reston proved a little more difficult.  It took us a while to find our church.  For us, our church has always been our community (Acts 2) however, as wonderful as this church is... it.is.big.  People drive from all around to attend. That makes it not so much about your local community.  For us, around Halloween came the doubts. It felt like we had been here an eternity, but it had only been a couple of months! It felt like we should have more friends, be more involved in the community, be more involved in church. That gets better, just this past week, I can feel the shift, and we plan to join a small group at our church this month, and the kids are participating in some extra Awana activities.   It takes patience, these things don't happen overnight.

But what do you do when they need to happen overnight? When you need to settle, make friends, join in the community, because, you don't have "plenty of time"? How do you juggle settling in while looking at the bid list and researching your next post? Does it get easier? All the FS veterans say it does.  I think overseas, the embassy and the families there become your community and things move a little faster.  I also think less choices make it easier.  In DC it takes time to find a place to live, the right church, the right extracurricular activities for your kids... at post... less choices means less time to put into researching.

I have to learn to "jump right in" make friends, to get a little more aggressive in making our place, not just waiting for one to "appear."  I have to do this for several reasons.
1. I'm a community girl.  I need friends, I need activities going on to join in on, I need to be involved in what my kids are involved in.
2. My kids need the example of fearlessness that Erik and I should be setting.  That spirit of adventure - you know - new place, new opportunity to make friends, new places to visit.
3. This is the life we chose. This is how it will be for a while. Time to get on board!

Looking back - here is what I have learned.
1. We took too long to settle in Reston. I'm giving myself some grace here, because this is our first move in 11 years! But we missed registration into some of the extracurricular activities and my kids had to start late.
2. Even though you know in your mind this is temporary, you CANNOT live that way. Life will pass you by living from one post to the next and you will miss out on valuable friendships and experiences.
3.  Kids are resilient. They adapt. If Erik and I have the right mindset they will get on board. It doesn't mean it will be a smooth transition.  For us, there have been some nights when Ella has really been homesick. We don't brush those feelings aside.  We validate them, listen to her and help her.  But, alas, she has made friends, and is able  - thanks to technology - to still keep up with her friends back home.
4. The more we focus on what an adjustment this life is, the more of an adjustment it really is. If I just sit back, stop comparing, and move forward, it's much easier.  Although, I truly don't feel we joined the foreign service to live in DC, I do feel that it has been a welcomed transition for us. It's helped us prepare to be without family close, it has forced us to get uncomfortable, it has made us much more adventurous.

I'm looking forward to what the next few years has in store for us... but not so much so that I am not enjoying our little nest we have made here in Northern Virginia.  I'd love to chat more, but I've got a coffee date with a new friend!