I've been an expat for over a year now, so I feel that qualifies me to offer expert advice ;-)
Truly, though, having had time to reflect on what did and didn't work with our transition overseas, I have compiled a list of my top 5 preparations you can make to lesson the stress of an overseas move.
- LEARN ABOUT YOUR NEW HOME
What is the climate? Knowing what kind of weather you are moving into will help both physically and mentally prepare you. We found out ahead of time when the monsoon seasons were for Sri Lanka - that helped me prepare for what to pack in our suitcases, what to ship, and didn't knock my socks off when I experienced my first week of solid rain.
What can you learn about the culture? While I truly nothing can prepare you for living in a different culture, knowing some about it will prove ever helpful. In some places it is rude not to accept a gift, even if it is lavish and you feel uncomfortable accepting it. Some cultures kiss on the cheek as greeting, some bow. Some cultures consider it scandalous to show your shoulders, or have your head uncovered. When I first arrived in Sri Lanka, I quickly realized people don't like to say no to you, they just do a little head bob and never address the request. We offered to pay a man 3 times to hang a swing for us. After waiting 2 months, we realized he didn't want to, thus never responding to our missed calls or emails. Understanding the cultural differences lessens the stress of the transition.
What is the main religion of your new home? Even if you don't consider yourself religious or affiliate with any type of religion, the main religion of an area can affect your every day life. Case in point: Sri Lanka is Buddhist - every full moon - Poya Day is a holiday, and stores don't sell meat on those days.
Do you need to know the language? While English is the universal language, it is essential to know the native language in some countries. It would be helpful to find out ahead of time if some language training would be helpful.
One of my favorite Friends episodes is when Monica leaves a message on Richard's answering machine and ends it with "I'm Breezy" if you were as obsessed with friends as I was, you know that Monica was anything but Breezy. Big changes go so much better when you know yourself. Is there something that you will really be sad if you have to live without? Maybe a favorite snack or shampoo? Make arrangements to bring it. For me it was my kitchen aid mixer. I LOVE my kitchen aid. Even though it weighs a TON and I have to run it through a transformer, I brought it. And that made me so happy! I knew I would feel like I sacrificed if I left it in storage. And to be honest, there
were are times I feel like I am sacrificing enough.
Have you ever seen people's pictures of their Caribbean Vacation? You know the ones, toes in the sugar white sand, clear blue sea. Dreamy, huh? However, the beach is just the perimeter of the island, and in the town you're cautioned not to drink the water, look out for pick pockets or stray dogs. It isn't all sun and sand. The sooner you lower your expectations about your new home, the quicker you will fall in love with the place it
really is, not the place you
perceived it to be.
- BE COMFORTABLE WINGING IT
I cannot tell you how many times in the past year we just decided to "go" with it. Vacations, holidays, transportation, even restaurants - there comes a point when the new country wins. Things are done they way they decide to do it and you just have to go with it. Forget how you imagined it, forget how you would do it better, forget that it may or may not be the safest thing in the world and just go with it. Be comfortable with good enough. It doesn't have to become the standard, but in some instances you just look around and say "that works" and move on. Trust me, the more you compare, dwell, or over think, the more stressful it will be.
You have decided to live in a foreign country for a set period of time. You have already taken a greater leap than most people in the world. So you get homesick? That's ok! You have a meltdown at the market? Go Ahead! You accidentally tip a HUGE amount because you get the currency exchange confused - give yourself grace. The changes happening all around you are huge. Everything is different, and there will be bumps in the road. Learn to laugh it off and log it for next time around.
When I look back over my first year abroad there are many moments that I am proud and many I am not so proud of. Realizing I could have prepared better mentally was a regret. But like any learning experience, come next post... you can bet I will be rereading this list. Maybe each move will be a little better than the last.
Any veteran expats reading this? Hit me with your best tips for Mentally prepping for your move.
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